I just read the “Retro” post for the first time since I wrote
it; and I cannot believe the difference between the states of mind I was in
exactly one month ago today. Yesterday
rolled into today, thank you insomnia, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a
wrecking ball one too many times. I’ve
been surfing for distractions to get my mind under control and my anxiety and
emotions in check. I am not succeeding
in any endeavor. I am looking forward to
a new day tomorrow and an opportunity to potentially shine a little light on
someone else, whilst I tuck my disastrous-self way deep down for at least an
hour and a half.
Elsewhere in this version of reality..
Have you ever went from “shouldas” to name calling before
realizing that it probably would be in your best interest to stop abuse
yourself? I came up with a whole new
brand of dumb-shyt trying to avoid saying the word should and ended up calling
myself emotionally retarded. WFH?! (What
Fresh Hell)is that about?! Who does that?!
I most assuredly shouldn’t be! Ha.
I can relate to "shoulding" myself. I end up with double the pain - whatever is the pain and then blaming myself for causing it. It doesn't help to live in a culture that pretends we fly or flail as individuals all on our own.
ReplyDeleteUntil recently, I accepted whatever thoughts my brain delivered. My therapist has been showing me that I have a choice about which thoughts to believe. When I'm able to replace unhelpful thoughts with useful one, I have quite the celebration! Baby steps.
Thank you for the great comment Frances-My-Frances!
DeleteWhen I discovered the battlefield actually consistently of approximately 50,000 thoughts per day; which is an average of roughly 2,500 per hour for humans, I became all too aware of the importance of planning one's strategy for war! Because when one also experiences mental health symptoms; this combination of potential conflict truly is a war! I would like to point out that unlike every other medical/physical illness, we are required to not only take medication to treat each diagnosis; but we should all be proud of the fact that we shoulder the often grand efforts of putting in the work required to maintain the best quality of living! If it was cancer, you wouldn't be required to war with our mind/thoughts in order to truly heal/recover. For so many, this struggle against our own minds is one of dual fighting and requires excessive tenacity, motivation, and strength to win the daily challenges life forces us (m.h. community/culture in particular) to fight. Fair doesn't seem to come into play unfortunately. But all the better we are for each and every triumph every single day!! Be very grateful for those precious wins! I believe the scripture says "Count every trial/tribulation all Joy (wfh right?!) for it builds character.." (paraphrased)
Additionally, the Bible says in Romans 12:2NLT, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect".
Found the "Joy in Trials" verse in James 1:2-3 AMP: "Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.3 Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience"
Taking on the task of striving for the best possible chance at victory each day, each hour, each minute (for many) is one of strength, prudence and power! Managing the flow of our thoughts..all 50k of them..as best as we can will surely change your life's trajectory to ascension! I am sending out Love and Light to all of my fellow crazies that continue to armor themselves and war war war! May we all conquer!