"My Presence is my challenge..I Am Seed"..My Priceless, Wise Pastor P
once enlightened me~
As of late, I have been contemplating why I have found myself trying to
“just get there. If I am indeed Seed (which of course is entirely
probable) then I should be comparatively motivated to go wherever I
should have to go to do whatever I am meant (dare I say destined) to
do. Yet, sadly, that is far easier said than truthfully demonstrated.
I thoroughly enjoy my new responsibility of “being there” for a group of
individuals who already “show up”. It is encouraging to know just
that fact. I find camaraderie with this group of enhanced human
beings that suffer and struggle through things that I myself have done
the same over several years. Today is another day that I have the
opportunity to potentially provide someone hurting (and does that not
align with my life’s vision and mission?) with some positive feedback
that has proven successful, at least for me and perhaps others I have
witnessed. I recall many a day so bad I cried out for ANY kind of ideas
or encouraging words without answer..resulting in negative and even
shameful behaviors..I say recalling, although four years cut-free. I still
must make that choice when faced with opposing forces. Are we not all
a compilation of decisions we make with that all mighty power of free
will? So why then would I question, to any length, whether to be
present, to simply show up? Daddy has made it abundantly clear that
this (Waters Group) is one particular place where I must, yes must,
show up! Under no circumstances am I to consider the reasons. Again,
why do I even bother going through the questioning process at this
point? Don’t know.
Elsewhere..
Today, as a special treat for doing a favor for her, my mother told me
my story! I love love love hearing my story; which I can usually only
solicit on my birthday! So I am a little geeked to say the least. I
found out I was not held for a day because I didn’t breathe on my own
when I was born and had to be brought directly to ICU in an incubator
before anyone could lay eyes on me. My grandparents were actually
first to touch me through gloves in an incubator. Interestingly enough, I
must ponder if that had any effect on me whatsoever. I am quite
grateful for having such a blessed only-child-childhood. And a
Cappy at that. Ha! I love it all. I especially love how sensitive I have
grown to empathy, to another’s internal struggle with pain, not
everyone’s, thankfully, but enough to make a difference and fill me
with honor and pride when I am used as but a vessel to enlighten,
inspire, or simply encourage accordingly. At what point does such a
spirit meet such a soul? That point of conflict remains one of my
greatest existential crisis’s as well as provides a fundamental flaw
in the concept of cloning. Yes I consider the subject thought-worthy
on a regular enough basis to consider it a disturbing confliction.
So I am officially back to blogging, thank you to my new co-mentality-pal K!
Here's the thing..Unlike my introduction, I am going to be all over the place
with my entries, remaining real, even though such expression can be chaotic
at best. I will be checking in randomly, perhaps multiple times a day or
maybe not for a week; but I need to purge somewhere..and what better place
than My Super Secret Blog to do just that?!
once enlightened me~
As of late, I have been contemplating why I have found myself trying to
“just get there. If I am indeed Seed (which of course is entirely
probable) then I should be comparatively motivated to go wherever I
should have to go to do whatever I am meant (dare I say destined) to
do. Yet, sadly, that is far easier said than truthfully demonstrated.
I thoroughly enjoy my new responsibility of “being there” for a group of
individuals who already “show up”. It is encouraging to know just
that fact. I find camaraderie with this group of enhanced human
beings that suffer and struggle through things that I myself have done
the same over several years. Today is another day that I have the
opportunity to potentially provide someone hurting (and does that not
align with my life’s vision and mission?) with some positive feedback
that has proven successful, at least for me and perhaps others I have
witnessed. I recall many a day so bad I cried out for ANY kind of ideas
or encouraging words without answer..resulting in negative and even
shameful behaviors..I say recalling, although four years cut-free. I still
must make that choice when faced with opposing forces. Are we not all
a compilation of decisions we make with that all mighty power of free
will? So why then would I question, to any length, whether to be
present, to simply show up? Daddy has made it abundantly clear that
this (Waters Group) is one particular place where I must, yes must,
show up! Under no circumstances am I to consider the reasons. Again,
why do I even bother going through the questioning process at this
point? Don’t know.
Elsewhere..
Today, as a special treat for doing a favor for her, my mother told me
my story! I love love love hearing my story; which I can usually only
solicit on my birthday! So I am a little geeked to say the least. I
found out I was not held for a day because I didn’t breathe on my own
when I was born and had to be brought directly to ICU in an incubator
before anyone could lay eyes on me. My grandparents were actually
first to touch me through gloves in an incubator. Interestingly enough, I
must ponder if that had any effect on me whatsoever. I am quite
grateful for having such a blessed only-child-childhood. And a
Cappy at that. Ha! I love it all. I especially love how sensitive I have
grown to empathy, to another’s internal struggle with pain, not
everyone’s, thankfully, but enough to make a difference and fill me
with honor and pride when I am used as but a vessel to enlighten,
inspire, or simply encourage accordingly. At what point does such a
spirit meet such a soul? That point of conflict remains one of my
greatest existential crisis’s as well as provides a fundamental flaw
in the concept of cloning. Yes I consider the subject thought-worthy
on a regular enough basis to consider it a disturbing confliction.
So I am officially back to blogging, thank you to my new co-mentality-pal K!
Here's the thing..Unlike my introduction, I am going to be all over the place
with my entries, remaining real, even though such expression can be chaotic
at best. I will be checking in randomly, perhaps multiple times a day or
maybe not for a week; but I need to purge somewhere..and what better place
than My Super Secret Blog to do just that?!
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